I have been sitting staring at this blank white screen for quite a few moments. This topic is hard for me because a mere three months ago I had no idea it was even an issue. And while it’s hard, I know it’s important to talk about. We all walk around with this notion that we are one being. One mind. One body. We try to convince ourselves that our previous trauma has not fractured us in any way. Maybe you don’t see it at all, and this talk about multiple selves is hogwash to you. Maybe you know deep down that all the pain you have endured had to have some sort of impact on you. Maybe you are well aware of the fractures that trauma has caused you. It’s a continuum, but everyone is on the path. The path toward realizing there is more going on under the surface than many of us are willing to admit.
We in the church try to name all of these voices in our head as the evil one. And I give to you that some of it is. I believe there is an enemy out there who is actively working against your healing. BUT…I offer to you that some of the inner dialogue that you hear is also your inner self who has not been given room to express herself. Who has been locked in the time and space when the trauma occurred. Who is hiding as a result of immense pain that has not been given words. Oh that we could start to realize that we are not our own enemy who is to be pushed aside and discounted. She is hurting and just wants to be heard. It is in this vane that I appeal to you today: will you be curious about yourself? Will you begin to open the door to noticing your thoughts? Will you give space to your past and pray about how to soften your heart towards how you treat yourself (especially when you think about your past self who has been through trauma)?
Can you begin to think about what it would look like for you to honor and delight in those little ones who need a voice? Come beside the one who acted out of pain and shut everyone out. Begin to thaw your heart towards the one who made impulsive, stupid decisions. See the one who has been so rigid that she has kept you from enjoying your own life to its fullest. Be curious about the thoughts that you immediately push away or you name as the enemy or that you rebuke as a lie.
We are all hurtling towards healing. If you are available and willing to go where you haven’t gone before you will reap rewards. Jesus is busy preparing a place for you to land. May Jesus give you courage to turn toward your inner self. May He give you supernatural grace for yourself as you navigate those deep dark caverns of your heart. Your toil is not in vain. Your bravery and courage will not go unnoticed. Let’s journey together, warriors. Peace to you.